Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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