ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
