I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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