I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i believe in u and ur pee
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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