Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
