Heybabeimwearingurpanties
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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