Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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