I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We're too hungover to prance.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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