I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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