I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
