Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
