Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
