I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
