What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
