Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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