Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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