Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My nipple is on Facebook.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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