I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
