I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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