i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
