So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So much rum. So many feels.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
