Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
