she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
