Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
