if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
