Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
