The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
