I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
