New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
