I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
