just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
two words...techno handjob
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
