I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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