3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
