I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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