I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
