You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This is my gift to your gina
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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