Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
