so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
