we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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