I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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