could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
