There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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