i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
