never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
