Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
