I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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