i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
