there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
