ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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