So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
